J^O PLAYS EXCHANGED 




DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. 

Price 15 Cents Bach, Postpaid, Unless Different Price fs Gfven. 



COMEDIES, MELODRAMAS, Etc. 



M. F. 

6 3 

6 3 

6 4 

5 4 

2 5 

5 3 



All that Glitters is not Gold, 2 

acts, 2 hrs : . 

Aunt Dinah's Pledge, temper- 
ance, 2 acts, 1 hr 

Beggar Venus, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 30 

min. (25c) 

Blow for Blow, 4 acts, 2 hrs. . . 
Bonnybell, operetta, 1 h. (25c) . 
Caste, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 30 min — 
Chimney Corner, 2 acts, 1 hr. 

30 min.. 5 2 

Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs 7 4 

Diplomates,4 acts, 3 hrs. (25c) 5 5 
Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 2 hrs. 

30min , (25c) 8 4 

Early Vows, 2 acts, 1 hr.. (25c) 4 2 

East Lynne, 5 acts, 2 hrs 8 7 

Elma, The Fairy Child, 1 hr. 

45 min., operetta. ..(25c) 9 15 
Enchanted Wood (The) , 1 hr. 

45 min., operetta (35c) 5 6 

Eulalia, 1 h. 30 min. ..... (25c) 3 6 

From Sumter to Appomattox, 

4 acts, 2 hrs. 30 min.. (25c) 6 2 
Fruits of the Wine Cup, tem- 
perance, 3 acts, 1 hr 6 4 

Handy Andy, Irish, 2 acts, 1 

hr. 30 min , 8 3 

Home, 3 acts, 2 hrs 4 3 

Jedediah Judkins, J.P., 4 acts, 

2hr. 30 min (25c) 7 5 

Lady of Lyons, q acts, 2 hrs, 30 

min '."■ 8 4 

London Assurance, 5 acts, 2"- 

hrs. 30 min .-. 9 3 

Lost in London, 3 acts, 1 hr. 45 

min 6 3 

Louva the Pauper, 5 acts, 1 hr. 

45 miri... . .. ;;..„.'; 9 4 

Michael Erie, 2 acts.i'hr. 30 m. 8 3 
Mitsu-Yu-Nissi, Japanese Wed- 
ding, 1 hr. 15 min 6 6 

Money, 5 acts, 3 hrs ... 9 3 

My Wife's Relations, 1 hr 4 6 

Not such a Fool as he^Looks, 3 

acts, 2 hrs 5 3 

Odds with the Enemy, 5 acts, 2 

hrs 7 4 

Only Daughter (An), 3 acts, 1 

hr. 15 min 5 2 

On the Brink, temperance, 2 

acts, 2 hrs ^ 12 3 

Our Country, 3 acts, 1 hr 10 3 

Ours, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 30 min 6 3 

Out in the Streets, temperance, 

1 hr. 15 min 6 4 

Pet of Parsons' Ranch, 5 acts, 

2hrs 9 3 

Pocahontas,musical burlesque, 

2 acts, 1 hr 10 2 

Rivals, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 45 min. . 8 4 
School Ma'am (The), 4 acts, 1 

hr. 45 min 6 5 



Sea Drift, 4 acts, 2 hrs 6 2 

Seth Greenback, 4 acts, 1 hr. 

15 min 7 3 

Shadow Castle, 4 acts, 2 hrs. 30 

min.., (25C) 5 4 

Soldier of Fortune, 5 acts, 2 

hrs. 20 min 8 3 

Solon Shingle, 1 hr. 30 min, ... 7 2 
Sparkling Cup, temperance, 5 

acts, 2 hrs. 12 4 

Ten Nights in a Barroom, tem- 
perance, 5 acts, 2 hrs 11 5 

Ticket of Leave Man, 4 acts, 2 

hrs. 45 min 8 3 

Tony, the Convict, 5 acts, 2 

hrs. 30 min (25c) 7 4 

Toodles, 2 acts, 1 hr. 15 min.. 6 2 

Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2% h. (25c) 8 3 
Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 1 hr. 

45 min 5 4 

Under the Spell, 4 acts, 2 hrs. 

30 min (25c) 7 3 

Wedding Trip (The), 2 acts, 1 

hr 3 2 

Won at Last, 3 acts, 1 hr. 45 

min 7 3 

Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs 8 3 

FARCES AND SKETCHES. 

Assessor, sketch, 10 min 3 2 

Babes in Wood, burlesque, 25 

min 4 3 

BadJob,30min 3 2 

Bardell vs. Pickwick, 25 min.. 6 2 

Beautiful Forever, 30 min 2 2 

Blind Margaret, musical, 30 m. 3 3 

Borrowing Trouble, 25 min 3 5 

Breezy Call, 25 min 2 1 

Bumble's Courtship, sketch, 

18 min 1 1 

Cabman No. 93, 40 min 2 2 

Christmas Ship, musical, 20 m. 4 3 

Circumlocution Office, 20 min. 6 

Country Justice, 15 min 8 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 

min 3 2 

Cut off with a Shilling, 25 min. 2 1 

Deception, 30 min 3 2 

Desperate Situation, 25 min. .. 2 3 

Dutchman in Ireland, 20 min. 3 

Fair Encounter, sketch, 20 m. 2 

Family Strike, 20 min 3 3 

Free-Knowledge-ist, 2 acts, 25 

min 3 3 

Friendly Move, sketch, 20 m.. 4 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min 4 3 

Hard Cider, temperance, 15 m. 4 2 

Homoeopathy, Irish, 30 min — 5 3 

Ici on Parle Francais, 40m ... 4 3 

I'll Stay Awhile, 20 min 4 

I'm not Mesilf at All, Irish, 25 

min 3 2 

Initiating a Granger, 25 min... 8 

In the Dark, 25 min 4 2 



T. S. DENISON, Publisher, 163 Randolph St., Chicago. 



WAX WORKS AT PLAY 



By 
HENRY L. WILLIAMS, 

Author of "Lime Kiln Club," "Darky Dramas," etc. 



CHICAGO 

T. S. DENISON, Publisher 

163 Randolph St. 



WAX WORKS AT PLA&- 



CHARACTERS. 



V Jim 

• * ' ' \ Lii 



CAS1 



Raphael Pattern, a wax-modeler \ .T. . -j Liffh^Comec! 

Mat hi<* man ) Low Comed y (End M an if Black 

MAi\ His man j Face)j may be Dialect 

Wing Fat, a Chinese laundry man Character Com. 

Lour, a colored wash-lady j f°« $«* Face 

Wax Figures, among which are Washington, Chicago, Canada, 
Dickens, Britannia, Longfellow, Gov. McKinley, Utah, Sandow, 
Cupid (like Puck), the States, etc., Gen Jackson. .The Company. 

Note. — The whole may appear in black face, or only Mat and 
Lulu; or these can be dialect, Irish or Dutch. The figures may be 
classical, or fanciful, or burlesque; locally, they may represent typi- 
cal home personages. 

SCENERY. 

Studio; at back alcoves with stand for figures; alcoves on each 
side, according to number of company; screens to alcoves. Pictures, 
pier or cheval glass; artistic objects, easel, wax bust on stand. 
Table at side for supper. 

COSTUMES. 

Modern, unless the figures are classical or historical. 

Pattern, sculptor's blouse over evening dress. 

Mat., servant's dress; exaggerate his being a " boy." 

Lulu, gay hat and feathers, fancy jacket, shoes to dance in. 

Wing Fat, Chinese, partly modernized; cue coiled up to come down. 

Figures, characteristic or burlesqued. Washington with hatchet 
by his side; Longfellow and Dickens have book labels of their 
works on their dress; Canada and Chicago and the States are per- 
sonifications as accepted; Cupid like Puck on the comic paper 
head; etc. 

PROPERTIES. 

Artistic paraphernalia; club for Sandow, like Hercules; bow and 
arrows for Cupid-Puck; hatchet for Washington, etc. 

MUSIC. 

Select for the Figures, march and "animations," from "Don 
Giovanni," "Zampa," "Giselle," etc. Gong and big drum ready. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

B means right of the stage; G centre; R (7 right centre; L left; It 
D right door; L D left door, etc.; 1 E first entrance; Crupper 
entrance, etc.; V F door in flat (back of the stage); 1 O first groove, 
etc. The actor is supposed to be facing the audience. 

Copyright, 1894, by T. S. Denison. 



WAX WORKS AT PLAY. 



Scene. — Interior of Sculptor's Studio. Curtains cover alcoves. 

Note. — To save time the figures do not appear. Pattern enters say- 
ing, as if to them behind screens, "I am glad you understand me, dear 
friends, and now that all is fixed to give my prying servant a lesson" 
etc., as folio tcs: 

Enter Pattern with the Figures. He has his blouse on. They are 
in ordinary dress. 

Pat. Well, my friends, you see that I have all prepared for our 
evening's sport. But first, to have a salutary sport with Mat, my 
inquisitive servant. Mat is a good boy, but a constant worry be- 
cause he will fool with the art objects, and Art — in me — objects. If 
you will kindly stand up for wax- work figures, you will work an in- 
structive scare on him. Mat will be so reformed that the ordinary 
studio jack will be unfit for the mat under his feet. {All bow assent.) 
To your places, then, and pose! You will find dress and fixings be- 
hind the screen. {Exeunt all behind curtains. Pattern goes up. 
Voice of Mat heard at back.) 

Dat ole blue jay hab got a black eye; 
De cat lose her kit but I doan' cry — 
'Cause I'se so happy! 

Pat. That is my boy Mat. Knock his intolerable meddling out 
and he will be my pearl. Wait till we polish him. {Smiles and exits 
L. D.) 

Enter Mat at back with wood in his arms . He kicks the door open and 
kicks it shut behind him roughly . Comes to stove, singing: 

De cat's las' kit was stripe' wid yaller; 

Dat kind of fur it fotch a dollar! 
{Drops the wood and slaps Ids pocket.) 

An' I'se so — 
{Wood on his toe, makes him grin.) I'se so mis'ble! {Kicks the 
wood and winces at splinter which he draws out of his shoe.) Dat wood 
is de mos' contrerary I ebber seed; makes me a sporky-spine. 
Toting wood's stuck me full of splints and I ain't stuck on it. An' 
dis stove! I wish I had Dr. Franklin here that in wen ted it. I would 
fiankle him so his mother would refuse him cold pie. It burn so 
much and so badly. I is so mis'ble! I had a liberal eddication and 
dat 'spires me to want to know more — to know lots — eberyting! And 
all de folks forms a ring to keep a gin-house down. I has artistic 
respirations. Ya-as. Ole Jedge Barleycorn he sees me draw a 



4 WAX WORKS AT PLAY. 

pitcher on de side of his barn — (Pauses, indignantly.) Yaas, a 
pitcher — de pitcher of de Deepholler nine. No guff! (Chuckles. 
Chuckle repeated all round the stage by the Figures. Alarmed.) Who 
dar? What dar? (Appeased.) Dat's what mars' calls a Hecker. I 
know him — he makes de self-raiser buckwheat cakes — dat's de 
Hecker! Well, when de judge he see dat pitcher he say; "I 'low dat 
boy will be a gin-house one deseyer days!" He oughter know 'bout 
aitisks. He must hab sent more dan a gross of kalsominers to de 
stonepile. (Puts toood into stove.) Burn up, you ole b-icicle! You 
doan' kotch Mr. Pattern a-coming into de stujio till dar is a blaze 
here to match him wid his blazer on. An' what does .he come fur, 
anyway. (Lounges on divan.) To laze about! It is monstrous how 
folks is took in by dese} T er artisks. He smokes— (puffs a cigar) dis is 
one ob his she-roots — thirty centers — two for five. And he calls it 
indulgerating in his yeasterthetic suspirations! Says it plunges him 
into Nirvana. He's got a nerve on him. Why, any fool kin do what 
he does. It comes so blame easy — if you are artiskically gifted, 
like me. (Rises, gets brand out of fire and draws loith black end on a 
piece of marble.) Dar! dat's a — a — cocoanut, or a cherub head. 
No, dat is massa's portray — as he calls a like-an-ass. (Rubs it.) Oh, 
what a smudge! It's soaked in. He'll put me in soak if he sees hit. 
(Smears the marble.) I've botched it! it wont come out; an' I mus' 
go out! What'll I do? I know! what a bright lad I is! (Blackens the 
whole stone.) Now, dat'll pass for a lump of coal, and I will run de 
fiah wid it some day. (Noise behind L. IE. niclie.) What's dat? 
Who — who dar? (Frightened.) 'Taint de boss! It can't be — eh? I is 
always 'spicious of dem wax critters. (Goes to L. and lifts screen 
slightly. Washington's hatchet falls.) My! laike to chop my foot 
off! (Takes up hatchet .) Who did dat? (Flourishes hatchet and hits 
back of his own head.) Laike to knock myself down. Dat's a, hint 
fur me to chop more kindlin', reckon. But I wont. (Goes up to wax 
bust on stand.) Hello! what's de boss been doin' to that gob of wax 
since I leff hit? He calls dat a bust. (Flourishes hatchet.) You say 
two syllabus and I bust you, see! Why, it ain't got no eyes. (Inserts 
bits of blackened wood.) De white folks doan' catch on to making 
portrait-statyers nateral. What a head! (Shapes it with the hatchet.) 
Now, dat is somefln more like human. (Lays the hatchet on table. 
Washington takes it in.) One more lick and I shall pare dat head 
complete. (Misses the hatchet.) What — why? My! Gone without 
ax-ing my leave. (Goes to L. IE.) Eh! (Lifts screen.) Why, old 
Gineral George has got it again. (Retires to C.) Doan' tell me — dis 
stujio is haunted! Not dat I am scared. (Takes up stiletto.) 
Come on, Georgie! (Comes down to bust.) He dassent. Why, dishyer 
is de berry tool for the biz. (Shapes head tcith the stiletto.) Say, 
dey can't larn me nuffin about muddling. (His hand at back of the 
icax to steady it as he gouges.) Dis is to represent — great Scott! 
(Sticks stiletto through the wax into Ids hand.) What's dat stuck me? 
(Sucks his finger.) Oh! (Lets stiletto drop on foot.) Ouch! Say, that 
did hurt! (Holds the foot in other hand.) Why, lam hoss-de-come- 
back. (Leans against stand, which falls with wax, and he rolls on the 
latter, supposed to stick to Jam.) I can't git up! (With an effort rises, 



WAX WORKS AT PLAY. 5 

removing icax with both hands.) Dat's a Flat-head Injin now. {Puts 
the shapeless lump on the stand.) Nebber pass for a bust! I is in a 
fix. No, dis is my bright idee day. One ob de udder heads will 
just suit clis crisis. (At L. 1 E.) Dis one — no, dar's aig of mischiff 
right in dar, an' I doan' wanter hatch-it. (Goes up L. Sneeze off L. 
2 E . niche.) Eh? Who breaved? I was so chill wid skeer dat 1 mus' 
hab snoze and not know it. (Laughs.) 

Figures laugh one after another, so that the sound runs right round. 

Mat. (Frightened.) Day doan' want deir heads trifled wid. (Lifts 
screen L. U. E.) You doan' want yer head trifled wid? Say, dat 
feller's head moved! (Staggers down to C .) Mos' folks wouldn't 
b'lieve dat dem Aggers could get a move onto their head; but dey 
kin. And if de heads kin move — I see dat — why not de res' ob dem? 
I would not stop here 'mong dem, in the dark, for forty lebben mil- 
lionaires. I doan' want none of their heads, anyway. I kin make 
anoder just as good. (Returns to bust and models it grotesquely.) He 
wont notice de differ'; I does mos' ob de wuk myself, anyway, but 
de boss gits de credit and de cash. Dat's de moral of wuk in dis 
world — one gits de icax, de udder de honey. (Chuckles.) 

Chuckle repeated by all the Figures . 

Mat. (Alarmed.) Wat's — oh, dat's de Hecker! Ha, ha! But see 
here; if youse doan' stop raising de buckwheat, I will raise cane! 
(Flourishes the mahl-stick.) Dat settles dem. Dey knows me, and I 
knows dem— better dan de boss. I kon lecture all around dem, same 
as him when de visitors come in. (Points wrong as he chants.) That's 
Canady, a lady who wears a Tammy-cap; 
And Fame's dat gal in blinkers who studies off a map; 
That Hy-men is a low man and carries sword and scales; 
When with the Jesse Jameses he goes a-spearing whales; 
Cap. Kidd, he is a 'missioner, and looking mouty grand; 
With Grant and oder admirals he now doth take his stand; 
But ober all is Beauty — 
(Knock at D. F.) Eh? (Frightened.) I say, ober all is Beauty. De 
boss he thinks he's got an eye for beauty; but if he was to see my 
Lulu, ah! he would not look farder for a muddle and fair wuss. 
(Knock D. F.) Who's dat? (Draws the curtain and discovers Chicago, 
who makes a mock salute.) My! We is hoodooed! (Drops curtain.) 
De boss nebber moldered her in dat attitude! (At C.) Onless he has 
put some new fixins in de Aggers. Say, I wanter be down on him. 
I ought to stay round unbeknown and watch him and them, when 
nobody ain't round. Dis will be money in my wad to git up a freak 
; musee of my own. (Knock D. F.) Eh? Dar it comes agin! (Gets 
\ broom.) What do you want? 

(Voice of Wing Fat, D. F.) Me wantee washee. 
Mat. Come agin in half a century, or you git sweepee. 
Wing Fat. (Voice as before.) Me come washee bimeby half -a 
; l'hour. 

Mat. I hope to git Lulu the job in half an hour. 
. vigorously.) 



6 WAX WORKS AT PLAY. 

Enter Pattern L. 1 E. 

Pat. He has fallen into the trap. {Coughs.) Ah, Matthew. 

Mat. (Starts.) Oh, massa! I tought it was one ob de figgers. 

Pat. They will not touch you if you do not touch them. 

Mat. I'se not tetching nuffin. 

Pat. What a novelty — to find you at work. 

Mat. We all works; de wax works — ha, ha! So I works, too. 

Pat. (At stand.) You will not work me much after this. Look' 
What has happened to this bust — my Virgin Queen? 

Mat. (Comes down.) Your Virgin wax Queen, boss. 

Pat. Stupid! The Virgin Queen of England — Queen Bess. 

Mat. Dat's de best you ever did; but, like de queens, she took a 
tumble. 

Pat. It is smashed! 

Mat. Well, it wan't 'mashed on me. 

Pat. (Aside.) He has been interfering. (Aloud.) I suppose you 
cannot keep your pickers and stealers to yourself. 

Mat. I got to larn, boss. 

Pat. What ? To mind your own business ? 

Mat. Dat's it! I want dis to be my biz — I want to muddle wax 
an' sculp one of dese days. 

Pat. You become a statuary! 

Mat. Naw; to make statutes, not to be one. (Frightened.) 

Pat. You are not fit to shape a wig block. 

Mat. I hopes to make blockheads, like yours. 

Pat. What? 

Mat. Eberj^body must begin. You make pooty faces now — 

Pat. And you make ugly ones. (Works at the bust.) This has 
been badly handled — it is gritty. 

Mat. 'Pears to me Queen Bess was a gritty ole queen. 

Pat. (Laughs.) Ha, ha! Not bad for you. You are not such a 
fool. 

Mat. But she hatter bite de dus', after all. 

Pat. (Laughs.) Ha, ha! 

Mat. I trows out de supperstion dat it was knock ober by dat 
Chinee, Fat Wing, when he come snoopin' roun' here fur de wash. 

Pat. Matthew, you are always running down that Mongolian, 
Wing Fat, because you want the job for your steady company — 
what's her name? 

Mat. Her name gwine to be Missis Mat. Spann; but in de mean- 
time — while it is Lulu— yas, she is de card fur washing. 

Pat. But the Chinee comes cheaper. 

Mat. Dat's so; de 'Merican ought to be dearer — see? 

Pat. American? Your Lulu is an African. 

Mat. Well, Africa am nearer dan China, I calc'lates; 'sides she has 
gone done rejuced her terms on 'count of de hard soap. 

Pat. The hard soap? 

Mat. Did I say soap, boss? Hard tames— precious little soap about. 

Pat. None of your soft soap, Matthew. Of course, if that China- 
man, or any other, breaks my valuables, he loses his job — see? 



WAX WORKS AT PLAY. J 

Mat. Tank ye, boss. Say, this is loads better than your last 
wuck. Dat head looks laike a head, it does. (Aside.) Since I put 
my fine licks onto it. 

Pat. Getting on, am I? 

Mat. Dat mouth is like laife. Looks to bite. 

Pat. How do you know but it may bite. I have to handle them 
carefully. 

Mat. Why, no, boss. (Doubtfully.) Dey look good enough to eat, 
but dey can't bite, eh? Dey ain't got no laife. 

Pat. Not in our hours . (Solemnly . ) 

Mat. Dat's what I say! 

Pat. But in the witching time of night — (Looks mysterious.) 

Mat. In de switching time, boss? Dey lash out, eh? 

Pat. Then they may waltz round like the spooks and bogeys and 
grisly things. 

Mat., Naw? 

Pat. Yes. Is the wash ready for Johnny if he comes? 

Mat. De wash is all laid out correck. But he wont come. Shirts 
on de dresser; socks in de soup tureen; and de hangchiffs in de — de 
knife box — all reggler. 

Pat. (Aside.) He took the bait. 

Mat. But dem tings cain't shake a "leg, being of putty? I wish I 
could putty up laike dat. I would give my right hand. 

Pat. Idiot! With what would you work, then? 

Mat. (Chuckling.) Well, I is left-handed, any way. 

Pat. But with a tool in that hand how would you manipulate 
the wax ? 

Mat. Man-nipple-late? Dat's good. Boss, I should man-nipple-late 
wid my toes. I see a feller in de Freak Musee do dat wid his feet. 

Pat. No? 

Mat. Fack! Dey called it a Feet on de bills. 

Pat. But attend to the door. Leave me alone with my reverie. 

Mat. Leabe him with his referee! Which one is dat. ? 

Pat. If you disturb my musings — 

Mat. (Aside.) Den dese yer Aggers an' him is gwine ter hab 
music. 

Pat. Some mysteries of art must not be profaned by— the — the 
profane — hem! 

Mat. (Aside.) Curiosity is beating my fear all to nuffin! 

Pat. The consequences of intrusion would be terrible. 

Mat. (Aside.) I bet they are up to a merry-go-round to-night. 

Pat. (Pushing him up to D. F.) Leave me to my meditations. 

Mat. I am off, boss. I leave him to his medications. (Shuts the 
D. F . but remains on the stage and hides behind screen of Canada.) 

Pat. (Aside.) He has remained. Good. (Takes up his cane.) 
Now to deceive him. (Waves the cane like a magician's icand.) That 
Pry being gone, he cannot know that I possess the wand of power, 
the mahl-stick of my patron and namesake Raphael, by whose name 
I can outvie Pygmalion's dream. I can endow with life the smooth 
and flaccid wax. 

Mat. (Aside.) The flax seed and wax? Life? Dis is lively. 



8 WAX WORKS AT PLAY. 

Pat. Live anew, dwellers in my symposium! Banquet with me. 
Feast with Lucullus. 

Mat. (Aside.) Feast with his cullies/ (Smacks his lips.) I did 
just right to stay. 

Pat. And a dance with Delsarte. 
- Mat. Dance with Well Sartain! I nebber knew ole man Sartain 
had a darter — but what goings on? 

Pat. Fancies of the artist, be animate! {Strikes a gong.) . 

Mat. ( Aside.) Dat's my knell! Oh, dey is moving! 

Curtains are draion and discover the Figures posed. 

Mat. Thunder! Here dey are! 

Pat. (To Washington.) George, are you here? (Offers his hand, 
which Washington takes to he helped to the stage.) Shake! 

Mat. Shake! I am shaking like a second rate pug before the 
champion already. 

Pat. Descend and dwell on earth with me. 

March music, to which the Figures come out and go round. 

Pat. (To Gen. Jackson.) . Happy to see you, President. (Pre- 
sents Charles Dickens.) English Oak, let me show you our Old 
Hickory. This is the Dickens. 

Mat. Going to the dickens, are we? 

Pat. Britannia, allow me to place you next to Gov. McKinley! 
He has worked hard to keep you out, but it's no go. I'll introduce 
you to Mr. Wilson later. 

Mat. (Aside.) Stick to him, ole gal. He's got the tin! 

Pat. To the table, Longfellow, and strike the lyre! 

Mat. (Aside.) What is he to hit me fur? 

Pat. (Brings forward Alaska.) My dear New South, j^ou must 
know this latest acquisition, Alaska. 

Mat. (Aside.) Pull down de sealskins! Oh, the ladies will take 
to her, sure. 

South. Delighted. She makes one warm to her. 

Pat. Oh, Utah! Glad you came. But you forgot your — hem — 
wives. Been divorced? 

Mat. (Aside.) He ain't so Brigham-young as he uster be. 

Pat. goes up to the Figure behind which is Mat. 

Mat. Is he going to yank me out into the midst of them ? 

Pat. Say, Canada, wont you complete the company? Why, what 
are you waiting for? 

Mat. For Mexico. 

Pat. Oh, coming in together. All right; if you like to look on at 
the fun meanwhile. 

Mat. (Aside.) And it makes it a meanwhile! 

Pat. Your fate is to hitch onto our stars; so don't kick. (Can- 
ada stamps impatiently and Mat. is kicked.) 

Mat. (Aside.) Oh, don't she, though. 



WAX WORKS AT PLAY. 9 

The Figures parade around Pattern. Gong. 

Pat. A mortal approaches. 
Mat. (Aside.) I ain't reproaching nuffin. 

Pat. To your places. Haste! (As they pass he says familiarly.) 
You do it beautiful. 

Figures retire into alcoves and curtains fall. 

Pat. I will leave Mat. to the mercies of the gang. (Up.) Now 
for a cigar and a siesta. (Exit D. F. f which he is heard to lock. 
Stage dark. Mysterious music.) 

Mat. (Gomes down frightened, rubbing 7iis back.) Say, Canada is 
a kicker. I have had my fill of this excitement. (Finds the door is 
fastened.) Locked in with these cheesy figgers. (To table.) What 
were they having? Oh, an apple that Miss South drapped. (Bites.) 
Wow! bruck a toof ! plaster! (Throws apple off B. and window is heard 
to break.) Bruck a window now. (A yell heard off B.) Kilt some 
one on de street. (Frightened. To B ., looks off.) Only dat Chinee. 
Well, no one will wanter fuss 'bout him, and Lulu will git kis job. 
But I wanter git out. (Tries door.) I cain't. Say, what am I 
skeered of, anyway? If the boss managed them figgers, course I kin 
too. I see how he worked dem. (Gets the cane after being afraid to 
toucli it.) Only a stick! I ain't afraid of anything that don't walk 
— or talk. (Flourishes the cane.) Say, you figgers wanter 'bey or- 
ders. No, dey wont move for me. Stop; I forgot de spell. (Strikes 
the gong.) No, dey want de word. 

Curtains draw and disclose the Figures. 

Mat. Why, it was massa's name, Raffle. I is gwine to draw a 
prize in dis raffle. Ha, ha! Raf-fle! D'ye hear! (Plays pranks with 
the Figures, going from one to another with the cane.) See! dis is a 
new kind of magician who can wuck wonders. Here, you — you 
Fair-y! (Beckons to Chicago.) Come off and do a dance wid yo' new 
pro-pri-a-tor. 

Chicago comes down . 



Mat. Have a snack? Here's some bake' beans. No, you ain't 
Boston. Give me a smack, then. (Chicago slaps his cheek. Mat. 
Staggers back.) Gee! If you wasn't a lady! Dat put my Corbett- 
bang up. You go back to your post or — (Threatens with cane. 
Sandow-Hercules strikes cane with club and paralyses Mat's arm.) 
She can give a knock-out, dough. (Knock B.) Oh! Somebody com- 
ing! Say, git right back, now. Dat's St. Loo a-coming. (Chicago 
arranges her hair at the mirror.) I'se forgot de spell. Ruff-tuff — 
muff — I have muffed it. What is de word? 

(Voice of Wing Fat off B.) Wantee washee. 

Mat. No; wantee wordee. W r hy, it is dat Chinee. Dis relieves 
me. Dat lop-ear shall be deir toy, not me. (The Figures come down 
and hurry him about. He flies B.) Come in, John. De wash is 
ready. (Tries door.) What a fool I am. De do' is locked. (Sandow 



IO WAX WORKS AT PLAY. 

aims a blow at him with club, which he dodges and the club bursts the 
door. 

Enter Wing Fat B. door . He has a stone apple in his hand and holds 
it up so threatening that Mat . retreats. The Figures stand still. 

Wing Fat. Hello! josh-house! 

Mat. Joshnuffin! 

Wing Fat. Me wantee washee. No wantee rockee. {Throws 
apple at Mat., who dodges, and crash heard where it falls.) 

Mat. Say, you have bruck one of our ch'icest figgers! You lose 
your job fur dat. No washee here. I give you into custody. 
(Pushes him to sit on stove, which burns him.) You sot dar till de offi- 
cers come. I will keep you in check till — 

Wing Fat. (Struggling.) No checkee, no washee. 

Mat. No nuffin! (Seizes Wing Fat by the cue as he runs and slings 
him out of window.) Say, (to Sandow) look at de muscle, you clam! 

Wing Fat. Me wantee washee. (Without.) 

Mat. You will gettee washee if you drop into the gutter. I have 
cleared de kitchen of him, anyway. (Knock D . F .) What! Is he 
back agin? Lucky de do' is locked. No! On his side! I am a goner! 
(Looks round at Figures.) Ha, ha! dey is friz. How am I gwine 
to git dem back hunk again? (Knock D. F.) 

(Voice of Lulu off D. F.) Mat! Mat! Let me in. 

Mat. Why, it is my Lou. Cain't do it! 

Lulu. Better say you wont. 

Mat. 'Tain't dat; but I is leff-handed, you know, and I locked 
myself in. 

Lulu. Yas, de key is here! T will let myself in! (Opens D. F. and 
enters . ) 

Mat. Dis lets me out. (Looks round.) What will she see? What 
will she say? Oh, one of dem is on de loose! (Goes to Chicago to try 
to induce her to return to her niche. ) 

Lulu. (Comes doicn, surprised .) What do you call dis. Dis is no 
parlor, is it? What are all dese dolls? 

Mat. Dese dolls, young woman, means dollars to us. Me an' my 
boss makes 'em out of wax and disposes of dem at monstrous eleva- 
ted prices. &ee! 

Lulu. Deir prices ought to be elevated — dey is a stuck-up lot. 
All 'cept dis one down here. Minx! But what did you keep me 
at de do' so long for? 

Mat. I was looking out de wash fur you. We hab got rid ob dat 
Chinee — 'cause he bruck our tings — and you are on de job! An ug- 
ger-ly yaller man! 

Lulu. Whar? Dis is a pooty white gal. (Chicago at the mirror.) 

Mat. Dis is our chief figger^de waxiest ob dem all . 

Lulu. A figger of speech. Mat, you was digressin' of yo'self to 
her. Hussy! sweetness on sich a critter! 

Mat. Doan' call dis a critter! At leastwiz, it is a mere critter of 
our fancy! de boss' an' mine. 

Lulu. Your fancy, is it? Shoo, I admires yer taste. 

Mat. Yas, we made it to our taste. 



WAX WORKS AT PLAY. II 

Lulu. You stand aside, and I'll taste her. 

Mat. Doan' be preposteratious! It is only a waxen image. 

Lulu. More laik a brazen image. Wax! You honey! You 
cain't fool me. What was you doing when I come? 

Mat. She slid off her perch dar and I was trying to git her home 
afore de boss come in. If you was any kind of kind woman you 
would give me a boost. (Wave the wand.) What was dat word? 
Snaffle-trafFel — baffle — yas, I is clean baffled. 

Lulu. Doan' poke my eye out! I prefer to take dem clothes and 
quit, dough I tink dese ladies needs de clothes mos'. 

Mat. Doan' be prediculous. Dese yer ladies' clothes is staff. 

Lulu. Staff? stuff! you make me laff ! I wonder dis one ain't got 
de grip. {Points at Chicago, who seizes her.) Oh, crabs and craw- 
fish! Nipped me like a vise! 

Mat. Dat shows de vartue. 

Lulu. (Retreating, sees Cupid.) Oh, look at de pooty little kid! 

Mat. Yas, dat is anodder of our little compositions, (Spells label.) 
C-U-P-I-D— Cuspidor. 

Lulu. Idiot! Cupid! I know better dan dat. 

Mat. No, 'tain't it! It is Puck. I hab seen him on de noose- 
pape' many a time. Only he has a bow-arrer 'stid of a pencil case. 

Lulu. Cupid or Puck, he is a little love. 

Mat. Lookout! He's gwine to shoot you — or me! (He tries to cover 
himself from Cupid, who shoots arrow . It flies out at L. window . Tell 
off L.) 

Wing Fat appears at L. icindoio as if shot. 

Wing Fat. Me wantee washee, no wantee shootee. 

Lulu. Anodder of your decompositions? 

Mat. No. Lu, dat 'rival is your rival — de under-cuttin' Chinee 
washer man. Give him an upper-cut, gal. 

Lulu. My rival? (Belligerent.) 

Wing Fat. Yep. Me wantee washee. (Trying to get in at 
window . ) 

Mat. (Throws wax at him.) You gettee outee. 

Wing Fat. Me 'tickee here. 

Mat. That sticks you. 

Wing Fat. (Struggling with wax.) Me denouncee you to po- 
liceman. 

Lulu. You gettee bouncee! (Lulu attacks Wing Fat and Cupid 
dodges Mat. and escapes by icindoio with Wing Fat.) 

Mat. Say, you have let him skip. There is no Love between 
us now. 

Lulu. When Love jumps out of the window poverty comes in 
by the door. 

Mat. Correck! I is a mouty poor nigger now. I am 'sponsible 
for de figgers. I shall go and frow myself away in de ribber. 

Lulu. Better put you'self up in a raffle — as a fat goose. 

Mat. (In joy .) Raffle? Dat's de boss' name and de spell. In de 
name of Raffle, all you fellows get back to hunk. You in pertickler, 
miss. (To Chicago.) 



12 WAX WORKS AT PLAY, 

The Figures hustle both Lulu and Mat. 

Lulu. Help! dey are hugging me! 

Mat. Help, massa! dey is too much for me. {At D. F.) Oh, 
here he is. 

Lulu. De little love? 

Mat. De boss! (Opens D. F.) 

Wing Fat. (Appears D. F.) Me wantee — 

Lulu. Well, }^ou wont get washee! 

Wing Fat. No, me wantee you! me lovee you! we makee biz and 
washee-washee. 

Cupid in D. F. shows that he made the Chinaman love her. Aims 
at Lulu. 

Lulu. Why, cert! Mat, you are broke! Whar are dem clo'? John, 
we are pardners. 

Wing Fat. Me tankee you. 

Mat. What? (Snatches club from Sandow.) Me spankee you! (In 
the fight Lulu takes aicay the club and holds Wing Fat by the cue so 
that Mat. cannot shove him out. Mat. gets the hatchet from Wash- 
ington and strikes a blow. The cue is cut and Wing Fat drops out 
with a yell.) 

Lulu. You brute! you will nebber see me no more! 

Mat. (Drops club and falls on his knees.) You are real mean to 
leabe me wid dese Aggers! Help! Who will sabe me? Help me and I 
will be you' best help afterwards! 

Enter Pattern L. D. with his blouse off. 

Pat. I take the offer. 

Mat. See! I keep my place. 

Lulu. Oh! 

Pat. And but for this young woman's fancying a Chinee I should 
have taken her for the housework. 

Mat. (To Lulu.) Can't you veto that resolve of }<ourn? 

Lulu. Mat, I loved you all de time. 

Pat. Swear! (Lulu and Mat kneel.) 

Mat. I was allers brung up pious, but fur four dollars a week — 

Fig. Swear! 

Mat. Darn it, den! (Gong.) 

All Laugh. Ha, ha, ha! 

Pat. You are forgiven, on condition that you two get the supper 
ready. My friends here, who have played the part of the wax-works, 
will want refreshment after the dance. (Dance music.) 

Mat. De Aggers your friends? 

Pat. Friends, who will take cake and wine. 

Mat. Yas, dey take de cake, suah. (Dance by all.) 

Curtain. 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. 

Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given. 



FARCES AND SKETCHES. 

M. F. 

In the Wrong House, 20 rain. . . 4 2 

Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min. .. 3 3 

Is the Editor in? 20 min 4 2 

John Smith, 30 min 5 3 

Just My Luck, 20 min 4 3 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min. .. 5 1 

Kiss in the Dark, 30 min 2 3 

Larkins' Love Letters, 50 min. 3 2 

Limerick Boy, 30 min 5 2 

Love and Rain, sketch, 20 m.. 1 1 

Lucky Sixpence, 30 min ,. 4 2 

Lucy's Old Man, sketch, 15 m. 2 3 

Mike Donovan, 15 min 1 3 

Misses Beers, 25 min 3 3 

Mistake in Identity, sketch, 15 

min 2 

Model of a Wife, 25 min 3 2 

Movement Cure, 15 min 5 

Mrs. Gamp's Tea, sketch, 15 m. 2 

My Jeremiah, 20 min 3 2 

My Lord in Livery, 45 min 4 3 

My Neighbor's Wife, 45 min. . . 3 3 

My Turn Next, 50 min 4 3 

Narrow Escape, sketch, 15 m.. 2 

Not at Home, 15 min 2 

On Guard, 25 min 4 2 

Persecuted Dutchman, 35 min. 6 3 

Pets of Society, 30 min. 7 

Played and Lost, sketch, 15 m. 3 2 

Pull Back, 20 min 6 

Quiet Family, 45 min 4 4 

Realm of Time, musical al- 
legory, 30 min 8 15 

Regular Fix, 50 min 6 4 

Rough Diamond, 40 min 4 3 

Rowin Kitchen and Politician's 

Breakfast, 2 monologues. . . 11 

Silent Woman, 25 min 2 1 

Slasher and Crasher, 1 h.15 m. 5 2 

Squeers 1 School, sketch, 18 m. . 4 2 

Taming a Tiger, 20 min 3 

That Rascal Pat, 35 min 3 2 

Too Much of a Good Thing, 50 

min 3 6 

Turn Him Out, 50 min 3 3 

Twenty Minutes Under Um- 
brella, sketch, 20 min 1 1 

Two Bonnycastles,45 min. ... 3 3 

Two Gay Deceivers, 25 min 3 

Two Gents in a Fix, 20 min. .. 2 

Two Ghosts in White, 25 min. 8 

Two Puddifoots, 40 min. 3 3 

Uncle Dick's Mistake, 20 min . 3 2 

Very Pleasant Evening, 30 m. . 3 

Wanted a Correspondent, 1 hr. 4 4 

Which Will He Marry? 30 m.. 2 8 
White Caps (The), musical, 30 

min 8 

Who Told The Lie? 30 min ... 5 3 
Wide Enough for Two, 50 min. 5 2 
Women of Lowenburg, histori- 
cal sketch, 5 scenes, 50 m.. 10 10 
Woman Hater (The), 30 min.. 2 1 



Wonderful Letter, 25 min 

Wooing Under Difficulties, 35 

min 

Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 



ETHIOPIAN FARCES. 

Academy of Stars, 15 min 

All Expenses: Or, Nobody's 

Son, 10 min 

Baby Coach Parade, 20 min. . 
Back from Californy ; Or, Old 

Clothes, 12 min 

Deaf, In a Horn, 12 min 

Hamlet the Dainty, 15 min 

Handy Andy, 12 min 

Haunted House, 8 min 

Joke on Squinim (The). 25 m.. 

Jumbo Jum, 30 min 

Mischievous Nigger (The), 20 

min 

No Cure, No Pay, 10 min 

Othello and Desdemona, 12 m. 
Prof. Black's Funnygraph, 15 

min . 

Quarrelsome Servants, 8 min.. 

Rooms to Let, 15 min 

Sham Doctor (The), 15 min. .. 

Sports on a Lark, 8 min 

Stage Struck Darky, 10 min. . . 
Stocks Up, Stocks Down, 8 m.. 

Tricks, 10 min 

Two Pompeys (The), 8 min 

Uncle Jeff, 25 min 

Unhappy Pair (An), 10 min. . . 
Villikens and His Dinah 20 m. 
Wax Works at Play, 30 min . . . 
William Tell, 15 min 



The publisher believes that he can 
say truthfully that Denison's list of 
plays is on the whole the best se- 
lected and most successful in the 
market. New Plays will be added 
from time to time. 

Manuscripts, not only of plays but 
of any books similar to those in Den- 
ison's catalogue, will receive careful 
attention and if accepted will be 
paid for at current prices. 



•tn^&tS" 



T. S. DENISON, Publisher, I63 Randolph St., Chicago. 



Any Play on this List 15 Cts. Post 



Plays by T. S. DENISON. 



That the plays written by T. S. Deni- 
son are, all things considered, the best 
for amateurs, is attested by their very, 
large and increasing sale. 

ODDS WITH THE ENEMY. 

A drama in five acts; 7 male and 4 
female characters. Time, 2 hours. 

SETH GREENBACK. 

A drama in 4 acts; 7 male and 3 fe- 
male Time, 1 h., 15 m. 

INITIATING A GRANGER. 

A ludicrous farce; 8 male. Time, 25 m. 

WANTED, A CORRESPONDENT. 

A farce in 2 acts; 4 male, 4 female. 
Time, 45 m. 

A FAMILY STRIKE. 

A farce, 3 male, 3 female. Time, 20 m. 
TWO GHOSTS IN WHITE. 

A humorous farce, boarding school 
life; 8 female characters. Time, 25 m. 

THE ASSESSOR. 

A humorous sketch; 3 male and 2 fe- 
male. Time, 10 m. -* 

BORROWING TROUBLE. 

A ludicrous farce; 3 male and 5 fe ■ 
male. Time, 20 m. 

COUNTRY JUSTICE. 

Amusing country lawsuit ; S male 

characters. (May admit 11.) Time, 15 m. 

THE PULL-BACK. 

A laughable farce; 6 female. Time, 

20 m. 

HANS VON SMASH. 

A roaring farce in a prologue and one 

act; 4 male and 3 female. Time, 30 m. 

OUR COUNTRY. 

A patriotic drama. Requires 10 male i 
5 female. (Admits 11 m. 15 f.) Four fine 
tableaux. Time about 1 hour. 

THE SCHOOLMA'AM. 

1 4 acts; 6 male, 5 
45 m. 

THE IRISH LINEN PEDDLER. 
A lively farce; 3 male, 3 female. Time 
40 m. 

THE KANSAS IMMIGRANTS. 

A roaring farce; 5 male, 1 female. 
Time, 20 m. 

TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING. 

3 male, 6 female. 




A brilliant comedy 
female. Time 1 houi 



A capital farce ; 
Time, 45 m. 



?JHsj&eiT4 #i 



A farce; 

AN ONLY DAUGHTER. 

A drama in 3 acts; 5 male and 2 fe • 
male. Time, 1 hour, 15 m. 

PETS OF SOCIETY. 
A farce; 7 female. Time, 25 m. 

HARD CIDER. 
A very amusing temperance sketch; 4 
male, 2 female. Time, 10 m. 

LOUVA, THE PAUPER. 

A drama in 5 acts; 9 male and 4 fe- 
male characters. Time, 1 hour, 45 m. 

UNDER THE LAURELS. 

A drama in five acts; a stirring play, 
fully equal to Louva the Pauper. Five 
male, 4 female. Time, 1 hour, 45 m. 

THE SPARKLING CUP. 

A temperance drama in five acts; 12 
male and 4 female. Time 2 h. 

THE DANGER SIGNAL. 

A drama; 7 male, 4 female. Time, 2 h. 
WIDE ENOUGH FOR TWO. 

A farce; 5 male, 2 female. Time, 45 m. 

BOOKS FOR ENTERTAINMENTS. 

WORK AND PLAY. 

For little folks. Exercises in letters, 
numbers, objects, geography, animals, 
motion-songs, dialogues, charades, etc., 
etc., postpaid, 50c. 

PRANKS AND PASTIMES. 

For home, school or church. Nearly 
100 games, charades, scenes, etc., 50c. 

Negro Minstrel Book, 25c. 

Social Games at Cards, 25c. 

Private Theatricals, how to get up, 
25c. 

WHEN LESSONS ARE OVER. 

Dialogues, Plays, Nuts to Crack, 25c. 
ENCHANTED WOOD. 

Bright, New Opera. Price, 35c. 

Dialect Readings, humorous, 25c. 

THE FRIDAY DIALOGUES. 

Short, lively. Boys and Girls. Price 25c. 

FRIDAY AFTERNOON SPEAKER. 

For little folks, for older boys and girls, 
short, pithy dialogues. Price 25c. 

Dialogues from Dickens, 25c. 

Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, Tab- 
leaux, etc., etc., 25c. 

Choice Pieces for Little People, 25c. 

School and Parlor Tableaux, 25c. 

Debater's Handbook, cloth, 50c. 

Everybody's Letter Writer, 30c. 

Good Manners, paper cover, 80c. 



T. S. DENISON, Publisher, 163 Randolph Street, CHICAGO. 



